Guy's Blog: PatchWork

Greetings from the Bryngwyn Patch.

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A busy week in the kitchen. The cider is bubbling away nicely, reminiscent of a scene from Dr Frankenstein’s lab. We have pickled some red cabbage for Xmas and Jane is making a chilli sauce and is stewing apples like mad for the freezer. Harvested the grapes and started the first batch of wine. This year we are trying to make a natural wine with no added yeast or sugar, just pure grape juice with a spoonful of honey to get it started. The recipe stipulates organic honey which makes no sense to me as honey bees have been recorded foraging up to 13.5 kms from their hive. Who can guarantee that they are only visiting organic farms etc? I won’t go into the wine-making process in detail as this could erroneously imply that we knew what we were doing. Even the website says that you only have about a fifty percent chance of natural wine actually being drinkable, but ever the optimists!

Patch:

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Still very productive at this time of year so we have a ready supply of fruit and veg for eating, freezing, preserving etc. Chickens continuing to lay well. We culled a couple of ducks for the freezer. The turkeys are growing nicely and continue to look astounded at life. We put the birds away each night to protect them from predators, and the chickens and ducks quickly learn the routine and go into their respective houses. The turkeys on the other hand seem incapable of understanding what you are doing and each night look astonished as you slowly nudge them home. Has to be done. One evening I left it too late and found them roosting in a tree. Trying to get three turkeys safely out of a tree is no easy task, even with a broom.

One or two readers have wondered what came of last week’s polytunnel meeting convened by the toads. Well from what I can gather there was general consensus that they were not willing to wait four years for the next general election and standby while the Tories take us all to hell in a handcart.  They have formed a sort of broad left group called Amphibians and Reptiles for Socialism and the Environment. “A.R.S.E ?” I spluttered. “Yes. So?” replied one of the toads aggressively. I decided not to pursue it. The trouble with the left is they have absolutely no sense of humour. This of course explains why the BBC finds it so hard to find left-wing comedians. This anomaly will no doubt soon be rectified by those stalwart champions of public service broadcasting – Charles Moore and Paul Dacre.

Anyway, unusually for the left, there are already signs of splits occurring. It seems that an ideological fracture has opened up between those A.R.S.E members who advocate “Socialism in one Patch” (led by the cockerel, predictably) and those favouring Trotsky’s doctrine of “permanent revolution”. Consequently the pond newts have split and formed a breakaway group - Socialist Newts Against The Conservative Hegemony. I’m saying nothing.

Spirits were raised, albeit briefly, in the polytunnel, with reports on the World Wide Web that Pritti Patel had been spotted beached in a rubber dingey off Ascension Island. You will, no doubt, be relieved to hear that this turned out to be just another example of fake news.

By the way thanks to Charlie, who runs a nursery locally. Due to the lockdown and closure of garden centres he sadly had to dump all his young plants. He has kindly let us have loads of the partially used compost. 

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On the Wild Side:

Two or three very large dragon flies have been mating over the pond – possibly Southern Hawkers but I’m no expert on dragonflies. I tried to photo them but they never stay still enough.

A buzzard circled slowly over the farmyard causing consternation among the turkeys, who stood stock still until it passed - so they do have some sense of self-preservation at least. On the other hand they ran towards a passing dog while the other poultry wisely ran away (with the exception of the cockerel, as usual up for a fight – you can’t help admiring his courage despite his unfortunate tendency towards Stalinism).

Those pesky squirrels are at it again. It seems that my partial victory on the hazelnuts was simply a ruse on their part. While I was smugly collecting the hazelnuts they have opened a new front and are busily decimating the walnuts. They must have serious jaws if they can crack open a walnut, but it appears they have.

Tip of the week:

Remember to turn your compost heap now and then, this increases the available oxygen and ensures it heats more evenly.

Have a good week and may your sprouts keep sprouting.